No One Cared Enough To Stay
by Rhett9
Summary: "But in the end, no one cared enough to stay." Kogan FRIENDSHIP Dedicated to anyone who has ever felt alone.


"Do we really have to do this?" James groaned. James was my newest patient. He has been seeing me for two weeks now.

"Yes James, we do. You tried to kill yourself," I sighed.

"It's not like anyone would care," James mumbled. His words took me back to when I had been sixteen and I knew that if I wanted to get through to him, I would have to share my story.

"James, do you have a best friend?" I asked.

"Yeah, Carlos. We have been friends since we were nine," James said shifting in his seat.

"Don't you think he would miss you?" I questioned.

"He doesn't need me," James whimpered.

"James, I want to share something with you and I don't want any interruptions, okay?"

"Yes sir," James replied. I took a deep breath before I began my story.

Everyone has that one friend in their life who they tell everything to and who knows us better than we know ourselves. That one friend that you are so close to, you feel more like family. Yes, we all have this type of friend, and mine was Kendall Knight. I had met Kendall when we were both twelve. The two of us had a lot in common and we bonded quickly.

Whenever I was with Kendall, all of my problems seemed to disappear. Kendall and I grew even closer as the years went by. When we were sixteen, we both started going through depression. My parents had gotten a divorce and my mother began working more to distract herself from her pain, forgetting all about my pain. I felt like the divorce and my mother's withdrawal were both my fault. Kendall's home life had also taken a turn for the worst. His parents had finally got the daughter they had always wanted.

Once Katie came they began ignoring Kendall and only acknowledging his existence when they wanted something. School also became hell for Kendall. He was constantly being bullied because of his participation in the school musicals. I always tried to protect him, but I wasn't always successful. We both had suicidal thoughts as a result of our depression but whenever one of us felt the urge to end our life, we would call the other who would then rush right over.

Kendall was always there for me. But when he needed me the most, I let him down. That is a mistake I will regret for the rest of my life.

_**~Flashback~**_

"_Logie, please don't go," Kendall begged as we were walking home from school._

"_Kendall, I have to go," I sighed. School was out for summer vacation and my mom wanted us to go to Texas to visit family. I was actually really excited to see my mom's side of the family since I hardly saw them since we moved to Minnesota. _

"_P-Please. I need you here," Kendall whimpered._

"_Dude, it is only for a month. I will be back,." I replied. _

"_See you when I get back Kendall." I could see the look of pure fear and sadness in his eyes but I was selfish and ignored it._

"_Logan, don't leave me," Kendall tried again. _

"_It is only a month," I said again as we stopped in front of my house._

"_I'll call you when we get to Texas," I said giving Kendall a goodbye hug._

_It was our last day in Texas and I had not heard from Kendall the entire time I had been here. I had tried emailing and calling him but I got no answer. I figured he was just mad at me so I shrugged it off._

"_Logan, can we talk?" my mom asked as she came into my room at my uncle's house._

"_Sure Mom. I'm almost done packing," I said as I packed my socks into my suitcase._

"_Sit down," my mom said. She sounded like she had been crying and I immediately began to worry._

"_Mom, what's wrong?" I asked as I took a seat on my bed._

"_K-Kendall. He-he committed suicide a few days ago." As my mother's words made their way into my ears, I could feel my tears begin to fall._

"_NO! YOU'RE LYING!" I screamed. It couldn't be true. He couldn't be gone. _

"_I wish I was Logan," my mom said wrapping me in a hug as I began to break completely. My best friend in the whole world - the one person who meant everything to me - was gone._

_I felt numb the entire plane ride home. I thought about Kendall and all the things we had been through together and I lost it as more tears came out._

"_Thank you for coming Logan," Kendall's mom sniffled as she wrapped me in a hug._

"_He was my best friend." My heart crumbled as I said the word "was."_

"_I know sweetie," Mrs. Knight said as she broke our hug._

"_He loved you, you know?" Mr. Knight said making his way over to us with Katie in his arms._

"_He was always talking about how you were the best friend he could ever have and how grateful he was to have you in his life." Hearing Mr. Knight say that made me feel like even more of a jackass for what I had done._

"_W-we found this in his room," Mrs. Knight sobbed as she handed me a folded piece of paper._

"_What is i-it?" I asked my voice breaking._

"_Kendall's goodbye letter." Mr. Knight said looking down at the ground._

"_If you are reading this then that means I am gone. Of course I doubt anyone would care. I wasn't anyone special. I was just a kid who was bullied for loving musicals and ignored by his parents. The only reason I stayed alive this long was because of Logan, but in the end, no one cared enough to stay." _

_As I read the last part of Kendall's letter, I lost all my resolve and broke down completely. All I could think about was Kendall and the last time I saw him. He looked so sad and scared and I fucking ignored him to go on a stupid trip. If I had just stayed and been a good friend, he would still be here._

_I sat beside Kendall's family at the funeral. There were over one hundred people: kids and faculty from school, Kendall's neighbors, and his family. Everyone was either crying or they were too stunned to do anything but stare blankly ahead of them._

_Kendall thought no one would care or miss him, but he was wrong. As I sat there looking around me, I couldn't help but wish for my best friend to be given back to me. _

_But he never would be._

~End Flashback~

Even after ten years, I still think about Kendall. I wonder if he would have become an actor like he dreamed of. I wonder if he would have had a family. I wonder what would have happened if I had put his needs before my own, and I wonder about all the dreams and wishes we wanted to accomplish together. Losing Kendall changed me.

After his funeral I decided I wanted to devote my life to kids who have either attempted suicide or who were thinking about it. So, I created The Kendall Knight Foundation to help them. I wasn't there for Kendall when he needed me, but I would help as many kids as I could now so that no one else would have to deal with the pain of losing a son, a daughter, or a best friend. I will never forgive myself for letting Kendall down when he needed me the most.

"So you see James, you never know how many people will be affected by something like suicide," I said wiping my eyes.

"I-I guess you're right, Doctor Mitchell." James said giving me a hug.

"Just remember what I said," I told him as our session drew to an end.

"I will. Thank you for sharing your story with me," James said.

"You're welcome James," I said as he made his way out the door.

**Author's Note: I do not own BTR**

**This story is dedicated to anyone who has ever felt alone or like they didn't matter. This was hard to write as I myself have had these kinds of thoughts and I have almost ended it all. But just remember that you are someone else's reason to smile. You may not believe that but it is true. Never give up because you are and will always be worth so much more. You are a perfect original and no one can ever replace you.**


End file.
